Sweetness TK

Have you put your dreams on ice?

What’s the difference between being honest about how much we’re willing to sacrifice, and just being afraid to risk something real?

When I was in my 20’s, I was fluent in Italian. I had an M.A. in Italian Language, I could travel through Italy with ease, I knew the quirks of the culture and visited the country at least once a year. I had dreams of having a career and a life that was integrated with Italy and her culture, language and politics. The idea was something like: I lived here, but I worked for a concern that sent me there from time to time. Export/import? Education? I was close to getting it. If I’d believed in myself, I probably could have gotten it.

Instead, I took a job in American book publishing, and got married to a man who had no interest in supporting my affinity for Italy’s language and lifestyle. I took my language skills, my cultural knowledge, that whole part of myself, wrapped it up in plastic wrap, and put it in deep-freeze. You know, the back part of the freezer where you keep the brown bananas, with the thought that “one day” you’ll use them to make a smoothie. Yeah, no. That’s not ever going to happen.

Fast forward ten-plus years later, and I’d gotten a divorce. Time to defrost the Italian language! Except, it’s not perfectly preserved.* It’s got freezer burn, it’s dehydrated after all that time. Now, it’s shrunken and imperfect. 

After such an emblematic experience, I don’t want to ever put myself on ice again. And yet, I find myself still at it. I’ve cracked my life and my world open in so many ways. But there are things that baffle and scare me so badly that I’d rather cryogenically preserve them for a later reckoning. That shit can’t be good. I know it’s not good, but my efforts to thaw it out only chips off a flake or two of ice.

Ice cream has more flavor if it’s allowed to warm up a little bit from the freezer. When the cream and milk relax, they release the flavors they’d captured during the cooking process more readily upon our tongues as we enjoy our dessert. Also, we don’t get such a piercing headache. 

Watch this space. I’m here to pull things out of deep freeze. Sweetness TK, indeed.

*What to read a novel about a man who was perfectly preserved in the ice, so much so that he could be reanimated over 100 years after his sudden death in the Arctic? (Yes, you do.) Read this book. Please don’t delay.

Jun 17
Deep Freeze Dreams